The Biggest Mistake Aspiring Authors Make

Have you ever wondered how you'll fit your entire life into a single book?

If so, you're not alone.

In this episode, we're exploring one of the most common mistakes aspiring memoir writers make: trying to tell everything.

You'll learn:

• Why memoir is different from autobiography

• Why readers connect to transformation, not timelines

• How defining moments create structure

• Why the goal of memoir is meaning, not documentation

• How to identify the stories that actually belong in your book

One of the most important takeaways:

Your memoir is not about everything that happened to you. It's about what changed you.

Ready to Find Your Story?

Join me on June 24 for my live workshop:

Find the Story that Matters

In this workshop, you'll learn how to identify the defining moments that belong in your memoir, uncover the organizing thread in your story, and gain clarity about what book you're truly meant to write.

👉 Register here: FIND THE STORY THAT MATTERS

Thank you for listening to this episode of Making Memoir Magic. To learn more about my course, Make Memoir Magic, click here. 

Join my free Facebook Group, Memoir Magic for Aspiring Authors, where we honor your story, provide tips, create community, and help you write the story you were meant to tell. Join here!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Making Memoir Magic, the podcast where we unlock the power of your story and guide you through the magical process of turning life experiences into memoirs that inspire and impact. I'm your host, Carrie Chrysler, a memoir mentor and storytelling champion. And I'm here to help you find the courage to embrace your unique story and share it with the world. Whether you're just starting out or refining your final draft, this is the place to be for practical tips, inspiration, and the encouragement you need to write the memoir only you can tell. Ready to make some magic? Let's dive in. Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Making Memoir Magic Podcast. I'm your host, Carrie Kreisman, and today I want to talk to you about the biggest mistake I see aspiring memoir writers make. So if you are listening to this and you've ever said, as you're trying to write your book, I don't know where to start. I have too many stories. My life has been so complicated. Or how could I possibly fit everything into one book? This episode is for you. Here's the mistake that I want to talk about today. The mistake that most aspiring memoirists make when they first set out to write a book is that they try to write their entire life story. And I can understand why people would do it. But it might feel like you need to start at the beginning and tell everything about your life, like your childhood, your family, your education, your career, your relationships, your challenges, your victories, your losses, every single important thing that happened to you. But that is not what a memoir is. That's the kind of list that reads more like an autobiography, which is a piece of work that attempts to document a life. A memoir, conversely, seeks to discover meaning within a life. Do you see the difference? Two vastly different goals. One is not right or wrong, but you can't attempt to tell your whole life story and call it a memoir. That is not what memoir is, and that is not why someone is going to come and want to read your story. Okay. So one of the favorite reminders that I have for aspiring memoir writers is this your memoir is not about everything that happened to you, it's about what changed you. So when you start to view writing through that lens, it changes how you approach your memoir and the stories that you tell and the theme of what your memoir is. So let me say that again for emphasis. Your memoir is not about everything that happened to you, it's about what changed you. That single idea can change the way you approach your book. Your memoir also tells the poignant moments that contributed to that change. All right. Envision the change and the theme up here. And those individual stories and chapters, the stories contained within every chapter, all support that theme. So think of it as a tree, and the branches are the chapters, and the vines and the and the leaves are all of the stories and anecdotes that prop up the theme that you're trying to share of whether it's resilience, learning something new, surviving something traumatic, or just something different for you that was a challenge in your life. Those are all the touch points on the journey of transformation that you are writing about. So here's an example to illustrate this from my own memoir, Accidental First Lady, which encompasses 22 years of my life while my husband was in politics. So basically it was age 31, um, 31, and uh till you know 53. So pretty good chunk of life right there. Uh a lot happened during that time. In anyone's life, a lot is going to happen in 22 years. But I decided to tell this story because many people often don't know what goes on behind the scenes in politics, especially when that public life is unintended for the spouse. So it wasn't like my husband and I got together when we were first dating and this was part of the life plan. This happened, um, you know, uh, a little more than seven years into our marriage. So we'd been married for a little bit of time. Um, but it impacted my life. Everything was viewed through the lens of the public eye for those 22 years. And, you know, people started asking me about what life was like, how I did this, how I raised our kids, and it was finally suggested, and I'm not saying that everyone needs a suggestion, but that I write a book. So two plus decades is a substantial chunk of time. And there is no way that I could tell every story. And not every story deserved to be in my book, but I had to go through the process and the act of writing to figure that out. So going forward as you write your memoir, you're always going to write much more than ever winds up in your book. It's simply part of the process, and it helps ultimately to create clarity. So when my writing students ask me how to explain this, I tell them about this one chapter I wrote that was 5,000 words. Now, if a chapter deserves to be 5,000 words, then use every single one of those words. But when you write, every word has to earn its place in your book. All right. So I had written it, and when I submitted those chapters to my editor, he questioned the placement in the book. Um, he read undertones that were coming through my words, that I was trying to mask certain things and be kind and not sell anyone out. This was not a tell-all, this was not throwing anyone under the bus because politics is nasty, as we know. It was my story, what that life meant for me. And in that chapter, that was 5,000 words, one moment, one moment was 5,000 words. I was sharing a time that made me feel dejected as a political spouse. And I was trying to tell the story without naming the person who spoke certain words to me. And there was no way I could share that anecdote without sharing more details. So the story didn't make sense without all of those details. And like I said, the goal of my book was not to mention by name people who either hurt me or hurt my husband, but I also needed to remember why I was writing the book and the journey that was being told from novice political spouse to seasoned, confident public figure in my own right. So for me, that was my journey and my transformation and the story I was telling. And ultimately, the 5,000-word chapter did not work. In fact, it became one or two sentences in a paragraph in one chapter. So it went from this to this, and that was the appropriate move. My editor never told me this is what you need to do. He simply gave me some thought-provoking questions that led me to make that choice on my own. Um, and that's that's a mark of a good editor as well. They are not there to write your book for you, um, they're there to guide you and obviously correct certain things, but ultimately guide you to hopefully put out the best piece of work that you can put out. But I what I had to do in going back to the process was I had to write all of those other words that were never shared, just so I could get to that one point. So don't be surprised if during this process you do try to include everything and it makes you feel overwhelmed. That is natural. We all have so many memories and stories and many directions that our memoir could take. So, what happens, however, is that you sit down to write and you immediately feel stuck because you know all of that, but you don't know what to do with it. There is no organizing thread. So imagine dumping thousands of pieces of from a puzzle onto a table and then trying to create a picture without knowing what image you're building. All right, let's say you don't have the box there and you're just looking at this puzzle and like saying, What do I do? Where do I start? Um, that's what writing a memoir without a central focus feels like. So the strongest memoirs don't tell us everything about someone's life, they focus on a specific transformation. I've told you what mine is earlier in this podcast, so I don't need to reiterate that. And plus, this is about what I can do to help you in the process. Um, you know about my book, you know it's there. If you want to read it, take a look at it, go for it. I I hope you love it. But what I want you to do is as you move forward in your writing, is think about some of the memoirs that you have loved. What stood out in those memoirs that made them memorable? Think about it. It wasn't the author's entire life story, it was part of their story. It was the journey, the change, the questions they were trying to answer, the challenges they were trying to overcome, and the lessons they were learning. Readers connect to transformation. They want to see how a person moved from one version of themselves to another. They want to witness growth, they want to find meaning, and that's why memoir works so beautifully. A memoir says, here's who I was, here's what happened, here's how it changed me, here's what I understand now. That's the heart of memoir. Not documentation, but meaning. When I collaborate with aspiring authors, many arrive carrying decades of memories. Some 40 years or 50 years even. I recently worked with an author who is 83 years old. Imagine the breadth and depth of life that she brings to the page. But they also believe that every story matters equally. But the truth is, not every story belongs in your memoir. And what I do is I help guide them to the place where they can uncover and unlock through their own deduction and writing and process what their one true story is that they want to tell. So as you move forward, instead of asking, how do I fit my entire life into a book? Start asking, what story am I really trying to tell? That question changes everything. Once you identify the transformation, you can begin selecting the stories that support it. Think of your memoir like a movie. Every scene doesn't exist simply because it happened. Every scene exists because it moves the story forward. The same is true in memoir. A story belongs because it helps readers understand the journey. It reveals character, it deepens conflict, it illustrates growth and it creates meaning. It doesn't serve, if it doesn't serve, the transformation. It may be a wonderful memory, but it doesn't necessarily belong in the book that you're writing. I always call those the you had to be there moments. Fun to remember, but not always necessary for your memoir. Choosing what to leave out is just as important as choosing what to include. One of the most powerful ways to create structure in your memoir is by identifying defining moments of your life. Defining moments are those experiences that shape your thinking, the moments that altered your perspective, changed your direction, and challenged you to become someone new. When you can identify those moments, the fog begins to clear and your memoir will start to reveal itself. The organizing thread emerges and you begin to see which stories support the journey and which stories are simply background information. So instead of feeling overwhelmed by thousands of memories, you begin to work with a handful of meaningful turning points. And that's when writing becomes more manageable and more compelling for your readers. Readers don't need every detail of your life. Remember, they need the moments that matter, ones that illuminate something universal. They're looking for moments that help them see themselves inside your story, and those are the moments that reveal truth. So if you're struggling to start your memoir, I want to encourage you to stop asking, how do I tell my whole life story? And instead ask, what changed me? What experience transformed me? What challenge reshaped my identity? What season of life taught me something important? What defining moment still echoes through your life today? I could answer those questions right now about my book if I was asked. And I hope that by listening and approaching your memoir in this way that you can too, and you will someday. Someday soon, I promise you. The answers to those questions that I just stated often point directly to the memoir that you are meant to write. So there you have it. That's the one biggest mistake. And if you listen today, I want to say thank you and take what I said and run with it and use it. Um, I promise it'll change how you approach writing your memoir. And thank you for spending that time with me today. I know that your time is precious and I appreciate you. And as always, I believe in you and the value of your story. I believe that it deserves to be told and that you are indeed the best person to tell it. So keep writing and thank you again. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Making Memoir Magic. I hope today's conversation inspired you to take the next step toward telling your unique story through memoir. Remember, your story matters and someone out there is waiting to read it. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It helps others find the show. You can also connect with me on my website at carryCreisman.com, on Instagram at Carrie. You'll get more tips and inspiration on your memoir journey. And each Wednesday, I host a memoir magic writing where you get to join other writers to accomplish the often arduous task of getting words on the page. Until next time, keep writing, keep sharing, and keep making memoir magic.